I had no intention of reapplying to CLS; quite frankly, I had a master plan: if I got CLS as a freshman, I would accept the award, have one last summer in China, and then, spend the summer of 2019 working as a counselor at TN Governor's School. As it turned out, I did somehow get CLS for the summer of 2018, which meant my summer plans for the next two years were blocked in, right?
Wrong.
A friend from NSLI-Y told me that she was applying to CLS and that I should reapply so we could be on the program the same year, and potentially be put in the same host city. I kind of laughed and said that there was no way I was reapplying. I was still drained from the summer, but very fulfilled with my second trip abroad. I felt I had redeemed myself from NSLI-Y, and I had scored advanced-low on my OPI. I was reveling in the memories of an amazing summer, and nothing could top it. I didn't want anything to top it.
Then Hannah and I were talking, and she mentioned reapplying for CLS. At this point, there was part at me that wanted to reapply, but the other part said: no don't do that. Hannah even made fun of me saying I got so annoyed by classes by the end of the program; why would I possibly want to reapply?
And while this is true, the aftermath of the programs always leaves me with good memories. Sure classes were hard, but I could totally do it again! It's called getting too much of a good thing at once. I love Chinese classes, don't get me wrong. I've even started sitting in on one unofficially, but sometimes I just "feel over it." And then once classes have subsided, I start to miss them again.
So, long story short, I was wavering, but I still wasn't planning on applying.
Then, on Halloween morning (like 12:45 AM type of morning), I had an existential crisis in the shower.
I'm not sure what came over me, but something in me snapped, and I just had to reapply for CLS. I'm not sure if it's the thought of having "two epic summers in a row" and then spending this one in Tennessee that made me break, or the masochist in me, but as soon as I jumped out of the shower, I had to start my 2019 application.
I texted Hannah, my parents, and my Chinese teacher, explaining my rash decision to reapply.
Thankfully, this time, I had a little less than a month to apply rather than a week.
Again, I don't think they're going to re-award me the scholarship. First of all, it was a miracle that I even got it last year. I'm still not taking in Chinese classes because they don't fit into my schedule, and all the classes currently offered at Belmont are too beginner for my level. (Wow, I've finally reached that level, huh?)
And on top of that, they don't give priority to applicants who've already received the scholarship, which makes total sense. Even if they do like my application, I'm placed at the bottom of the list in order to give priority to other applicants.
If I do managed to pull a second scholarship, I'll be shocked. And then I'll buy a lottery ticket.
I'm kind of hoping that I at least make it to semi-finals, but that's really only because I think I did a fairly decent job with my application. If I don't become a finalist that's okay; I've got other plans for the summer. But, if I do make it to semi-finals, I kind of hope they either accept me or flat-out reject me. While it'd be cool to get alternate, I'd be more stressed about my summer plans. Alternate to me is more of "oh crap, now I really don't know what I'm doing with my summer" vs having a concrete plan I can tell my family.
I should find out in January if my application passes the first round of screenings. Fingers crossed, because for my pride, I'd at least like the semi-final status.
In all honesty, I'm not expecting anything, but cheers to trying.